WELLNESS Finding your way back home
Using boundaries to become a priority in your own life By Caitlin Daly, DVM
Identifying and implementing boundaries doesn’t come natural to most of us. Veterinarians are notoriously hard workers, helping others well before we help ourselves. We can tell someone exactly what a patient needs, but rarely have any awareness of our own needs, let alone how to communicate them.
Dr. Caitlin Daly
As with most newly learned skills, implementing bound-
aries can feel incredibly awkward and frustrating at times. We didn’t graduate from vet school experts in our field; proficiency develops over time with experience. The grace and understanding we provide to new graduates should also be provided to ourselves. It’s worth making ourselves slightly uncomfortable telling someone how we feel and what we need. You’ll be surprised how many people will kindly step up to meet your needs. People want to help. They want to show that they care about and respect you. It’s just that they don’t always know how, and it’s on us to tell them. Then if they don’t, you can choose if they get to remain a part of your life professionally or personally.
Confronting negative emotions It may be counterintuitive, but anger and resentment are very helpful emotions to acknowledge. Experiencing them often means a boundary is being crossed—one you may or may not know was there. Whether it’s with a client, office staff, colleague or family member, when you’re feeling upset, it is essential that you find time in your day to ask yourself why.
Our minds, while brilliant at times, can also be an incredibly toxic place. We will tell ourselves things we would never say to someone else: that we’re overreacting, that we have no right to be upset or, better yet, that we should hurry up and get over it. As you would for a child, creating a safe space free of blame, shame and self-depre- cation will help you get to the bottom of your problem and on to a resolution much more effectively.
Implementing practice boundaries Want to know one of the most impactful boundaries I’ve put into practice? It’s deciding the type of people I want to work for. In my practice, emergency services are now
provided only to current clients. To be a client, one must have a wellness exam, dental and vaccinations performed on their horse annually. No outstanding balances are allowed. I don’t sedate, nor do I provide sedation for lay floaters. And I will not tolerate any abusive behavior toward me or my staff. If a client’s needs or personal phi- losophies on veterinary care fall outside of that, it’s best in the long run that we don’t work together.
Most importantly, if a client repeatedly refuses services or medication that’s in the best interest of the animal while also refusing euthanasia as an alternative to relieving suffering, I’m done. I refuse to be held emotionally hostage by clients. I’m not willing to drown by the weight of their guilt and denial. Just because someone needs a veterinarian, it doesn’t mean it has to be me or you.
I often hear of veterinarians being upset with clients texting after hours. I understand the frustration, and I also understand why a client would reach out. The thing is, we can’t control what others do, we can only control our response. Full disclosure: This is a work in progress for me, but it’s incredibly important that I honor my own boundary by not looking at the text until the next business day. It all comes down to self-trust. Do you trust yourself enough to honor your own boundary? To help ourselves be successful, we must provide clients with realistic expectations. This means your auto-response should include when a client can expect to hear back from you (i.e., the next business day) and what they need to do if it’s an emergency. A lack of clear expectations opens the door for frustration and confusion.
Boundaries became a part of my life out of necessity; now, they’re here to help facilitate healthy relationships, including the one I have with myself. I first viewed boundaries as a way of protecting myself and, conse- quently, often communicated them in a rather aggressive manner. I didn’t like what was going on, but I didn’t know what to do about it other than put an immediate stop to the behavior.
Not knowing how I felt had me living in a helpless state of suffocating chaos. Things began to change when I started listening to the voice in my head. More important- ly, it was when I discovered and began believing that deep in my core, I deserved to have my needs met. I’m here to tell you that you do, too.
AAEP News July 2022 III
Dr. Daly is founder of Mid Coast Equine in Waldoboro, Maine, and regularly presents on Business of Practice subjects at the AAEP Annual Convention.
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