BUSINESS OF PRACTICE: MANAGING ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE Healthy Responses


The capacity to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person


Calm, non-defensive, and respectful reactions


A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger


The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing


A belief that facing conflict head on is the best thing for both sides


Fig. 1. Healthy and unhealthy responses to conflict.


same qualities are key tenets of effective conflict resolution.


Resolving Conflict with a Difficult Conversation


Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Because aconflict involves a perceived (or occasionally real) threat to a person’s well-being and survival, the resulting discomfort persists until the problem is faced and resolved. People respond to conflicts based on their perceptions of the situation, not nec- essarily with an objective review of the facts. Perceptions are influenced by a person’slife experi- ences, culture, values, and beliefs. Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If one isn’tcomfortable with strong emotions or is unable to manage one’sown emotions in times of stress, resolving conflict suc- cessfully will be difficult. It is best to think of conflicts as an opportunity for


conflict is resolved, communicating clearly and effectively, and influencing others to a maximal extent. Working hard to see the situation through a differ-


growth. When a person can resolve conflict in a rela- tionship, the experience builds trust. People feelmore secure knowing their relationship can survive chal- lenges and disagreements. With multiple successes, previous life experiences that led to conflict avoidance or high-conflict personality can begin to have less power. Seeking counseling to process these challenges can be life-changing for some. Successfully resolving conflict depends on the ability


to manage stress quickly, control emotional responses and behavior, pay attention to the feelings being expressed by others, and be aware and respectful of differences. Some of the most important information exchanged during conflicts is communicated nonver- bally. Nonverbal communication is conveyed by emo- tionally driven facial expressions, posture, gesture, pace, tone, and intensity of voice, and makes up 70-90 percent of the totalmessage received. Beingmindful of non-verbal signals is part of facilitating themost effec- tive interchange. If one of the parties insists on finding solutions


that are strictly rational, while ignoring feelings, their ability to face and resolve differences will be impaired. Emotional awareness helps a person understand what is troubling another person and understand what is really troubling themselves. It also assists them in staying motivated until the


126 2022 / Vol. 68 / AAEP PROCEEDINGS


ent lens, the lens of the other party, builds empathy and more effective resolution of conflict. When a per- son demonstrates genuine caring about others’ out- comes, obviously values a future relationship, and aims for mutual gain, fear decreases. By focusing on what is incommonrather thanondifferences, and interests (e.g., why you want it) rather than positions (e.g., what you want), the more successful one will be in meeting the needs of all parties. This is also facili- tated by an open exchange of information between sides, and an enlargement of the benefit of agreement through innovative ideas. The following is a recipe for conducting a difficult conversation. Completing the difficult conversation worksheet (Table 1)7 is recom-


mended prior to the conversation. Before having a dif- ficult conversation:


• Ask yourself what you really want. What is your desired outcome?


• Stop assuming the worst and acting in ways that confirm your “story” and looking for evi- dence that confirms your story.


• Ask yourself what the other side of the story might be. Nothing ruins a good story like hear- ing the other side.


• Ask yourself what role you might have played in the situation. What is your responsibility?


Setting the stage for having a difficult conversation:


• Distill all the behaviors that illustrate the problem into a statement of the real issue, as you see it.


• Invite the other party to a private safe space and be ready to have the conversation immedi- ately even if you are trying to schedule it at a future time.


• Think about the conversation as a negotiation where everyone’s needs matter.


During the difficult conversation:


Unhealthy Responses


An inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person


Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions


The withdrawal of approval, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of loss of personal or professional relationship


An inability to compromise or see the other person’s side


The fear and avoidance of conflict; the expectation of bad outcomes


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