Table 2. Common Triggers of an Emotional Response Common Triggers Are:
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.
Afraid of disappointing others Afraid of angering others
Afraid others won’t like/love me or will leave me I owe it to them
They’ve done so much for me I can’t say no It’s my duty
I’ll feel guilty if I don’t give in
I’ll feel selfish/unloving/greedy/mean I won’t be a good person
BUSINESS OF PRACTICE: MANAGING ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE 3. Conclusion
When careful thought is given to the desired out- come, responsibility is taken for one’s part in the sit- uation, and both empathy and curiosity are the foundation of the communication, better outcomes are often assured. By recognizing the legitimacy of conflicting needs and perceptions, an increase in trust and respect is realized. In the event one is expe- riencing repetitive difficult conversations with a high-conflict individual without satisfactory resolu- tion, severing the relationship may be the most pro- ductive path.
Acknowledgments Emotional blackmail is defined as a dysfunc-
tional form of manipulation by a person to place demands and/or make threats to get what they want. Typically, this means the blackmailer sets up a comparison, induces guilt or obligation, and follows with a threat. It is important to understand that emotional blackmail is an attempt to meet unmet needs, manage fear, and maintain control.11 Fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG) are what emo- tional blackmailers rely on for successful manipu- lation. Receivers feel fear of consequences, obli- gated to act, and guilty for not doing what they’ve been asked. The blackmailer quickly learns which parts of the FOG triad are most effective in manip- ulating an individual; they learn which emotional triggers work best. Emotional blackmailers are of- ten very good at spotting the people who are likely to respond to these tactics the best.12 Unfortunately, compliance guarantees repetition, so onemust resist, de- spite feeling urgent need for relief from the blame and emotionally reactive storm. The receiver experiences relief when they comply: feelings of fear, obligation, and guilt recede, so they are rewarded for complying. But this then means the blackmailer will double down on this behavior. To disrupt emotional blackmail, one must be cu-
rious about the unmet needs of the blackmailer, must find empathy for them, and must want to change the dynamic. This requires remarkable emotional control, but if one is prepared in advance and understands the manipulation, overcoming the storm is possible.11 Part of the preparation involves determining where one’s weaknesses will allow the high-conflict individual to gain traction. Understanding one’s “hot buttons” will provide the self-awareness to divert the emotional response (Table 2). Unfortunately, people with a high-conflict personality may leave one unable to manage a con- frontation effectively, despite one’s best effort and preparation. They may appear enraged or shocked and create an endless drama with no productive reso- lution. In this case, it may be appropriate to end the employment relationship. A person who is incapable of resolving conflict productively may have deeper issues that are intractable and often lead to a spiral of distrust and animosity.
128 2022 / Vol. 68 / AAEP PROCEEDINGS
Declaration of Ethics The Author has adhered to the Principles of Veteri- naryMedical Ethics of theAVMA.
Conflict of Interest The Author has no conflicts of interest.
References
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